I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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