He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
she peed on how many people?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
