Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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