He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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