I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did I show you my penis last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I will be naked everywhere
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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