You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Randomize
