I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
