I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Need sex. Gaining weight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
