I'm lost and stupid without you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
