can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
