Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
