And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just found puke in my bra..
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
