Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
dude i'm inner monologue high
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
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