she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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