Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Can you bring me the toilet please
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
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