I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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