i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
