I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
