When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
50% drunk capacity currently
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Randomize
