Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
