i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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