i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
