hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
