The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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