I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
we're so committed to being not committed
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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