PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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