I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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