garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
