I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
