I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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