Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
