We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
