Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
