There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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