Apparently you make a good broom.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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