I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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