Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
