He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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