It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
