Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
