After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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