Someone shit on the floor
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
