Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
