I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
