Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
