wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
