Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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