I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
