Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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