That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
