I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
