life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
