That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So apparently I’m into choking now
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