He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
