I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
As shirtless as possible
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
