You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
