What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
