dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
