Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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