really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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