Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I intend to get homeless drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
