She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize