I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
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