Texts From Last Night

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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.

  (1-970): View more from Colorado

  People still let you watch their kids?

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  (970): I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer. (1-970): People still let you watch their kids? http://tfl.nu/8t1p
  Replies (18) Good night (6206) Bad night (956)
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  (714): View more from California

  I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

  (949): View more from California

  I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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  (714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt
  Replies (57) Good night (14135) Bad night (5497)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.

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  (256): I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed. http://tfl.nu/8aru
  Replies (28) Good night (5244) Bad night (2159)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.

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  (856): she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name. http://tfl.nu/fuep
  Replies (34) Good night (4574) Bad night (1708)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?

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  (908): Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body? http://tfl.nu/k849
  Replies (12) Good night (4181) Bad night (1211)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs

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  (904): I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs http://tfl.nu/az3o
  Replies (9) Good night (1515) Bad night (3514)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit

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  (515): Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit http://tfl.nu/4m5n
  Replies (4) Good night (785) Bad night (2341)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.

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  (757): Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny. http://tfl.nu/ezaf
  Replies (10) Good night (3524) Bad night (770)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."

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  (248): Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting." http://tfl.nu/6v74
  Replies (6) Good night (4758) Bad night (1546)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.

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  (309): Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment. (1-309): I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college. http://tfl.nu/zbsh
  Replies (7) Good night (1313) Bad night (661)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.

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  (757): I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know. http://tfl.nu/rhaa
  Replies (1) Good night (889) Bad night (475)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.

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  (512): Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all. http://tfl.nu/2na6
  Replies (2) Good night (526) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.

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  (330): I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend. http://tfl.nu/a48i
  Replies (1) Good night (758) Bad night (380)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick

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  (770): If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years. (570): Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick http://tfl.nu/xmct
  Replies (7) Good night (665) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (204): View more from Manitoba

  You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you

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  (204): You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you http://tfl.nu/fqb1
  Replies (0) Good night (563) Bad night (315)

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