I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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