Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
