I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
These 25 Soulless Industries Have Been Scamming Us For Years
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.