He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.