yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
