There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
