Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize