u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
