just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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