I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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