The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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