Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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