covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
