We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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